Beginner's Greek: A Novel by James Collins

By James Collins

Is love in the beginning sight attainable or simply an old school romantic suggestion? And what if, to extra complicate issues, you meet the affection of your lifestyles after which lose her mobile quantity? Then what if, after the most unlikely occurs and also you locate her back, she's now approximately to marry a roguish lothario who's additionally your ally? The issues don't finish there for Peter Russell, the successful hero of James Collins' fascinating, beneficiant, and romantic first novel. half modern day Jane Austen, half Tom Wolfe, Beginner's Greek is a romantic comedy of the top order, with characters who're completely, charmingly actual as they swerve and stumble from fairy story to social satire and again back.

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The Portable Door (J. W. Wells & Co. Series, Book 1) by Tom Holt

By Tom Holt

Beginning a brand new activity is often tense, but if Paul wood worker arrives on the workplace of H.W. Wells he has no suggestion what difficulty lies in shop. simply because he's approximately to find that the it seems that decent institution now paying his wage is in truth a entrance for a deeply sinister association that has a powerful abnormal time table. it sounds as if part the time his bosses are away with the fairies. yet they're now not, in fact. They're away with the goblins.

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Whiter Shades of Pale: The Stuff White People Like, Coast to by Christian Lander

By Christian Lander

HOW WHITE YOU ARE!
 
should you concept you had white humans pegged as Oscar-party-throwing, Prius-driving, Sunday New York Times–reading, self-satisfied latte lovers—you have been correct. but when you notion range was once only for different races, then grasp directly to your green tote baggage. Veteran white individual Christian Lander is again with interesting new details and recommendation on facing the Caucasian population.

Sure, their indie-band T-shirts, fashionable politics, vegan diets, and pop-culture references lead them to all appear a similar. yet a more in-depth glance finds that from Austin to Australia, from L.A. to the U.K., indigenous white individuals are as assorted from each other as 1 percentage rBGH-free milk isn't the same as 2 percentage. the place do thin denims and ponderous sweaters rule? the place is down-market beer the nectar of the hip? as a way to understand the areas adorable women with bangs and funky men with beards roam and emo musicians and unpaid interns name domestic, you’d greater swap off the Adult Swim reruns, positioned down that duplicate of The Onion, pick up this e-book, and get ready to work out the white.

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What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia

By Phil Torcivia

Have you learnt any great men? probably you are married to or sturdy associates with one. good, think about the prospect that this great man is so pissed off along with his courting disasters that he must vent to maintain from changing into a nasty boy with anger concerns. Then, test to not spit sizzling espresso as you learn his sarcastic rants approximately why women and men do not appear to fit.Excerpt from What a pleasant man -- Snippity Doo Dah My preliminary vasectomy session is scheduled for this day and that i cannot get this music out of my head: Snippity doo dah, snippity aye, My, oh my, what an excellent day! None of my sperm goes to stray. Snippity doo dah, snippity aye. Mister blue balls aging, No baby help it is so sensible. Everything's satisfactual! (Everbody now ...) Snippity doo dah, snippity aye, Rubberless emotions coming my approach! in case you are gazing this web page with mouth agape, you are both my mom or a fertile lady. males, am i able to have an amen? You betcha. glance, girls, I flip fifty this yr. i want offspring like i want sq. dancing classes. If I have been to have one in every of my little men really locate an egg, that might make me nearly seventy by the point Junior went to promenade. i might be using my daughter down the aisle on my scooter. i have performed the maths. It expenditures $800, that's comparable to twenty morning-after tablets, abortions, or a case of Silver Oak wine. i will sacrifice the latter for peace of brain. it's also one-hundredth the price of a school schooling, one-tenth the price of a used motor vehicle (plus repairs), and part the price of outgrown footwear. i do know, i do know. "You nonetheless have to put on condoms. What approximately STDs?" that is precise (and it sucks), however it makes the complete strategy much less demanding while breakage or slippage happens. truly, i feel i have in simple terms had a rubber holiday as soon as in my lifestyles. Slippage has occurred a variety of occasions. (OK, cease with the tiny penis jokes.) i am certain we have all had that shocking/embarrassing second whilst ole Willy leaves the social gathering with out his jacket. Then we need to move a-mining--trying to find the jacket with no pushing it in farther or inflicting spillage. it truly is an artwork, humans. while i discussed my appointment to 2 lady medical professionals I met this weekend, they either stated, "Oh my god! Why could you do that?" Judging through their reactions, you'll imagine I simply toe-fucked a Pomeranian. "Because i do not are looking to have kids." "What if you are with a lady who desires to have kids?" "Then she will be able to have kids." "So, you'll get it reversed, right?" "Oh, hell no. i would ship her to the bank." "You're awful." "Thank you." it is a ten-minute process. that is one-third of the time it takes me to run to CVS, crack open the pill, and combine it in her OJ. there's a twinge of hysteria round ball difficulties. i will need to paintings via it (with a bit aid from my sponsor, Johnnie Walker). My pal has been facing issues from his snipping. it can have anything to do with the place he had the approach performed: at Señor Vaso's in Tijuana. "I had a response that makes my one ball imagine it is cold." "Huh?" "One of my nuts tucks itself excessive opposed to my body." "So, you are a bit lop-balled, are ya?" "Yup." "That sucks." "Yeah it does." "How does one get that fastened? Insert an area heater?" "No. The document acknowledged he might snip the muscle that attracts it up or exchange the ball with a silicone nut." "Ouchie." "No kidding." I want i may simply take a rattling tablet. having said that, i used to be with a couple of lady reworked into Mrs. Hyde via the tablet. i would most likely turn into emotional and start looking at American Idol and Glee. God forbid! i will rfile the total strategy for you as my provider to humanity. every body needs to comprehend somebody with whom the music resonates. Now, to this guy you could say, "You're one snip clear of an excellent day."

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The Truth (Discworld, Book 25) (UK Edition) by Terry Pratchett

By Terry Pratchett

UK Edition

William simply desires to get on the fact. regrettably, every person else desires to get at William. And it’s in basic terms the 3rd variation. William de Worde is the unintentional editor of the Discworld’s first newspaper. Now he needs to deal with the normal perils of a journalist’s lifestyles – those who wish him useless, a improving vampire with a suicidal fascination for flash images, a few extra those that wish him lifeless otherwise and, worst of all, the fellow who retains begging him to submit images of his humorously formed potatoes.

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The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog, and of His Friend by Andrew O'Hagan

By Andrew O'Hagan

Meet Maf: The hilariously opinionated, well-read, politically scrappy, and intricate dogs significant other to Marilyn Monroe.

In November 1960, Frank Sinatra gave Marilyn Monroe a puppy. His identify was once Maf. He had an intuition for the 20 th century. For politics. For psychoanalysis. For literature. For inside ornament. this can be his tale. Maf the puppy used to be with Marilyn for the final years of her existence. not just a picaresque hero himself, he was once additionally a student of the adventuring rogue in literature and artwork, witnessing the increase of America's new liberalism, civil rights, the gap race, the hot York critics, and used to be Marilyn Monroe's consistent significant other. the tale of Maf the puppy is a hilarious and hugely unique peek into the lifetime of a fancy canines hero - he used to be a great deal a true ancient determine, together with his license and pictures offered at public sale in addition to Marilyn's different individual impacts. in the course of the eyes of Maf we're supplied with an perception into the lifetime of Monroe herself, and a desirable tackle essentially the most awesome classes of the 20 th century.

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Stuck Up! 100 Objects Inserted and Ingested in Places They by Rich E. Dreben

By Rich E. Dreben

A truly humorous selection of a hundred X-ray photos displaying international gadgets ingested or inserted into human our bodies, unintentionally or on objective. The human mind's eye really is familiar with no limits. with out it, there will be no nice paintings, no advances in technological know-how and know-how, and no severe activities. with no it, we’d even be disadvantaged of the numerous insights into human nature that we get out of witnessing folks do shockingly imprudent issues after which attempt to rationalize them. caught Up! capitalizes in this human power of bobbing up with artistic functions for daily (and not-so daily) goods manner past their particular makes use of, and contours a hundred X-ray photographs of overseas gadgets inserted into human our bodies, by chance or on objective. “It was once a million-to-one shot, Doc.” “My palms have been full.” “I fell.”

These and lots of different ludicrous excuses are what emergency room medical professionals listen each day from sufferers who sign in with quite a few goods inserted the place the sunlight don’t shine, caught in numerous orifices, or ingested in alternative ways. How precisely did that mobile phone prove there? used to be it on vibrate? And is the rectum actually the easiest position to shop your bronzed child footwear? it truly is at the least a bit of comprehensible to discover a rectal thermometer in its meant position, yet how approximately your six-year-old daughter’s Barbie doll? commence looking this hilarious choice of photos – you’ll be shocked on the sufferers’ creativity and the clinical details supplied. And: Don’t do that at home...

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Spell or High Water by Scott Meyer

By Scott Meyer

The adventures of an American hacker in Medieval England proceed as Martin Banks takes his subsequent step at the trip towards learning his reality-altering powers and satisfying his destiny.

A month has handed considering the fact that Martin helped to defeat the evil programmer Jimmy, and issues couldn’t be going greater. with the exception of his love existence, that's. Feeling far-off and misplaced, Gwen has journeyed to Atlantis, a tolerant and benevolent country ruled by means of the Sorceresses, and a spot recognized to be a secure haven to all lady time-travelers.

fortunately, Martin and Philip are invited to a summit in Atlantis for all the leaders of the time-traveler colonies, and now Martin thinks it will be an opportunity to aim back with Gwen. in fact, this is often Martin Banks we’re conversing approximately, so homicide, secret, and excessive intrigue all get within the method of a man who simply desires another shot to get the girl.

The follow-up to the hilarious Off to Be the Wizard, Scott Meyer’s Spell or excessive Water proves that it doesn't matter what powers you've through the years and house, you can’t keep watch over rotten success

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The Best A Man Walks Into a Bar . . . Jokes by Billy Brownless

By Billy Brownless

A neutron walks right into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender, "How much?" "For you, sir, no charge."   Shakespeare walks right into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.""I cannot serve you," says the bartender. "You're Bard!" Everyone has their very own favourite man-walks-into-a-bar funny story. this can be a selection of greater than 2 hundred of the best—or should still that be worst? It includes the outdated favorites, the main silly, the funniest, the brainbenders, the politically unsuitable, the nice puns, and the rather, fairly undesirable puns.

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