1000 Years of Annoying the French by Stephen Clarke

By Stephen Clarke

Was once the conflict of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was once Norman and hated the French. have been the Brits rather answerable for the dying of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to demise for donning trousers. was once the guillotine a French invention? Non! It was once invented in Yorkshire. Ten centuries' worthy of French ancient 'facts' chunk the dirt as Stephen Clarke appears to be like at what has quite been happening on account that 1066...

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I’m not sure why. Maybe because if August is so freaking hot in the New York suburbs, I sure as hell don’t want to go someplace where it’s even hotter. Or maybe because warm water makes me think of pee. For that matter, so does the word bathtub. That’s probably because I have a four-year-old who thinks of our tub as a walk-in urinal. Anyway, re: the saltwater thing…I was thinking more along the lines of the refreshingly chilly North Atlantic. You know, the beauty of being online is access to vacation information.

Let’s face it,” I told her now. ” “Well, I have blah clothes. ” “Yes, I do. I have to be blah. ” We deposited the tubs of dishes on an already cluttered countertop, next to a basket of bagels that had been sitting out since this morning, and half a dozen red-lipstick-stained, half-filled coffee mugs. Janelle was a caffeine hound, and she refused to drink out of the foam coffee-service cups. Only real porcelain—and just-brewed, steaming hot coffee—would do. As soon as the contents of her mug grew lukewarm, she pushed it aside and had an assistant—often, me—bring her a fresh cup.

Or maybe because warm water makes me think of pee. For that matter, so does the word bathtub. That’s probably because I have a four-year-old who thinks of our tub as a walk-in urinal. Anyway, re: the saltwater thing…I was thinking more along the lines of the refreshingly chilly North Atlantic. You know, the beauty of being online is access to vacation information. ” For the unenlightened, “family vacation packages” come with accommodations that include bed rails and cribs, kiddie pools, well-supervised day camps and evening baby-sitters so that Mommy and Daddy can eat overpriced shellfish and drink watered-down frozen margaritas.

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